Is That Your Final Answer?

Well, we prayed about it and God answered. We had a job possibility, and they declined. So here we are, at a crossroads with perhaps the darkest future I could imagine. I say darkest because up ahead I see nothing; there is nothing certain ahead and that makes it dark.

We have decided to move back to our hometown (or just outside there). There is no job there, there is no financial security. As a matter of fact, being away for two and half years will make it even harder to find a job. There is family, but family doesn't pay the bills, know what I mean? It's a little exciting to start a new chapter in our lives, one without school, but what will this new chapter entail? How will our lives be affected living close to family yet again?

We asked God to send us where he wanted, and I wonder if this is where he wants? We can go back to our home congregation, but they are not in a position to hire or even pay part time, so where does that leave us? Does God want us to plant a church? Does God want me to serve in a vocational manner, trying to help the church grow? Is this even the right choice, moving back? Does God want us somewhere else??? TO MANY QUESTIONS!!! But one thing is for sure, God has not wanted us at any other place that I have applied for. So, there is a lesson to learn here: when you pray for something, expect an answer! But, don't assume that God's answer is the same as yours, or that God will allow something to happen just because you really want it. When the guy told me they were no longer interested, I knew that was an answer from God, but that didn't make it any easier to accept. I knew that God has said no, but I wanted to ask God if that was His final answer? Are you sure, God? Where then will we go? What will we do? Why are you not sending to this place or that place? Why are you sending us back into family situations that drive us totally insane???

I guess I am also upset because I feel like we are taking 10 steps backwards. We were in a situation that was not best for us and to dependent on others. But we moved and found a deeper relationship with each other than we could ever find back home. We started depending on each other, because each other is all we had in a new place. It's just been us (now Lyla, too!). But now we are going right back into scenarios we left. No one has changed, nothing has changed, and now I am worried that we will go right back to how we were. I will go back to work at Winn Dixie or Pizza Hut (both where I spent a good 4 years at!), and be a college graduate who isn't working in his field. It just frustrates me.

But, I know God is in control. For one reason or another, this is where we are headed. When we moved to Searcy, God put us through tests that have strengthened us and brought to a great place in our lives. Now, we will do it again. I know God knows what He is doing, I just wish I knew what He was doing. But we don't have to know. God tells us simple to "BE STILL, and know that I Am God". Just be still. That's a hard thing to do. God, are you sure that's your final answer?

Just be still?